"... but the traveling was hell ..."

So, very true, Dan ....

Don't get me wrong.  I do like traveling, but sleeping in your own bed is a good thing.  Hoping to be doing that in the not so distant future after being on the road for well over a month.  It's been a good journey, but it will be nice to settled some place.

Got a message yesterday that a dear friend of mine who has been battling cancer will be leaving earth shortly.  Thankfully, I had the opportunity to say good-bye to her.  Gonna miss her terribly.  Love you forever, sweet Linda!  See you over the rainbow some day.

Love you forever!

At the end of the day and the beginning of the day, I am left with nothing more than the fact that you are physically no longer here with me on this earth.  Yes, your spirit lives on in me, but you are no longer here to hold me and tell me that you love me.  Don't get me wrong, the biggest gift you ever gave me was telling me that you loved me.  All those years ago, before you chose to leave this earth you did verbally tell me that you loved me and for that I am most grateful.  Those three words uttered from your mouth have gotten me through a lot of difficult times.

And now, and many times since them, I've wondered how you would have felt then knowing that all these years later, I would still hold you close in my heart and wish you were here.  I can't tell you how many times I've thought of you ... a million or more.  It's hard to believe that I'm coming up on the 19th year anniversary of your removing yourself from this earth.

Yes, when people ask me if I have any regrets, you are on the unspoken list.  I still can remember standing at your graveside that day we buried your body and saying to Sean, "There isn't anything that we wouldn't have done for him."  So many unanswered questions that I've had to learn to live with and, still, more unanswered questions pop up now.  "Even though, I did not know about what caused you to take your own life, did Sean know?  And, if he knew, what did he do to try to help you?  How many people knew of what was going on and tried to help you?  Did they, like me, believe that suicide would not be something you would do?"

I am reminded of the quote by Rainer Maria Rilke:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”


I have lived with the questions and loved the questions.  Some have been answered.  Some are yet to be answered.  It's been a difficult journey.  But, at the end of the day, I wouldn't have given away you loving me for all the money in the world.  After all, as in everything in life, it isn't about the money, it's about the love.

Love you forever!  Thank you for loving me!

From This Day Forward

And, from this day forward, I will do my best to speak the truth as I see it and have experienced it.  It will be my truth.

This will not be easy, but I feel it is something I am being asked to do -- tell my life stories in order to show the way for others -- for others to know that they are not alone -- for others to know that it is possible to heal from anything -- for others to know that they can tell their own truth and be at peace with themselves.

Thank you for traveling this journey with me.  It may not always make sense to you, but hopefully it will come together to help myself and others.

I am trusting God to lead me forward .....

Stepping Outside Your Box

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
~Henry David Thoreau


Such wise words.  How many of us go through life and never sing the song within us?


I think it is so sad to meet people who have gone with the status quo, never finding out who they really are and what their passion is.  Making comments like, "Well, if I could, I would do this."  Well, my response is, you can and you should.  You don't know until you try if you can do something and if the desire is there to do it, then why not go ahead and do it?  Of course, then there is the thought that some of us are doers and others of us aren't, and that's what makes the world go around.


I firmly believe there is a reason each of us is put on this earth.  I decided back in my teen years that we don't get to leave this earth until our reason for being  here is fulfilled.  Therefore, some of us leave earlier or later than others.  And, it isn't until we die an earthly death that we find out what the reason was for us being on this earth.


Feel free to try stepping outside of your box and let me know what you did and how it felt, even if it is something you feel is just a small thing.


Have a great day, everyone!